So there’s not really a way that Dell can do that but realistically the computers are probably just running slow because they’re old (5 years is the usable time we estimate for business laptops; after that they may continue *working* but they’ll likely be too slow for our customers to consider them good work computers without some significant upgrades). But if they aren’t recognizing the chargers there are 3 possibilities I can think of off the top of my head:

1 - It’s a battery issue, not a charger issue. Over time batteries fail and will stop holding a charge no matter how long they’re plugged in. The solution to this is to replace the battery, which you can usually do for between 20-45USD on amazon

2 - It’s a charger issue. Your AC adapters may have both independently failed, it’s possible! Low-cost non-OEM chargers often don’t have particularly long lifespans, and replacing them may be the way to fix this.

Second possible charger issue is that it may be the wrong power level for the batteries. Sometimes you might look up something like “Lenovo e15 charger” and you’ll see one that looks right but it turns out you’ve ordered a 45w instead of a 90w, and that is a pretty big problem. You need to make sure you’re getting something with the exact specs for your specific computer. Here’s an article about it. 

3 - It’s a charging port issue. This is one of the more common problems we see on older computers; basically over time with enough plugging and unplugging the port that connects your charger to the motherboard comes loose. This is something that can be a relatively cheap and easy fix in some cases, or a really difficult fix if the thing is soldered directly to the board. Here’s a video of someone replacing the charging port on a Dell Laptop for a general idea of what kind of work might be involved in fixing this.

Okay! Now for some basic troubleshooting! Please test for the following:

If the computers don’t power on at all while the AC adapter is plugged in then the issue is either the AC adapter or the power port.

If the computers power on while plugged in but they don’t hold a charge, the issue is the battery.

If the battery holds a charge for some amount of time (over an hour) but takes forever to charge, then the problem is that you aren’t using the correct AC adapter.

If the battery doesn’t charge, the computer doesn’t come on, and it’s the correct AC adapter you can possibly test the adapter with a voltmeter, test the adapter on another computer with the same power requirements, or disassemble the computer and check the power port connection to the motherboard.

But yeah if the computers are powering on at all, right off the top of my head I’d guess either it’s a battery issue or a voltage issue with the adapter.

Linux would not help at all with those issues (though hopefully you’ve got someplace to start looking to resolve those problems now), but if your computer is running slow because it has older hardware that was designed for a different era of computer use (which can be as recent as 5 or so years ago depending on the specs) then a Linux install will likely help. Though keep in mind that if you do an OS swap you will not be able to run any of the programs you currently have for those laptops on those laptops. I think that Linux is good and want more people to use it generally, but I recommend Linux to new Linux users primarily when the computer they’re thinking of installing it on is used mostly as a web browsing machine. An old computer with Linux Lite will generally run faster than an old computer with Windows, but if you’re trying to get the old computer to play modern games it isn’t going to be fast with either OS.

You are wildly underestimating my ability to go fucking feral about fresh produce. I don’t think I even brought snap peas into the house last year. Just ate them right off the vine.

Though I did end up freezing the strawberries/blue berries as they ripened, but even those were consumed within the week.

The only tough one was the potatoes, but that was resolved by just foisting potatoes on everyone I knew. Much more welcome than Zucchinis.